


Requiem

by Super_Theater_Nerd



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, If the song didn't exist and the same things happened but without the song., Not completely accurate with what happens during the song in the show., Requiem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11532015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Super_Theater_Nerd/pseuds/Super_Theater_Nerd
Summary: For some horrible reason she was suddenly sad. (If Requiem wasn't a song and a bunch of scenes. I know that's a horrible description but it's better than it sounds.)





	Requiem

**Author's Note:**

> So I've started doing this thing where I take a song from a musical I like and use the lyrics to create a scene(s). It sounds confusing but once you read it everything will make more sense. Hopefully you like it and I'm open for any suggestions for what song to do next.

“At least read it, Zoe,” Cynthia begged, holding out the letter to her daughter, “I don't care if you don't think it's real, just read it.”

“I already told you, he’s not worth it. Connor isn't worth it.” Zoe spun around and started for the stairs, all she wanted was to be alone. She sprinted up the stairs but didn't go to her room. No, she stayed at the top and listened because she knew her mom would say something after her.

“Don't read it if you don't want to, but it's down here on the couch if you want to. I'm going to the grocery store,” The sound of the front door closing was followed by this.

She dropped her backpack at the top of the stairs and tiptoed back downstairs. Even though she knew nobody else was in the house, her mom was out shopping, her dad at work, and her brother well, you know, Zoe felt the need to stay quiet. It's how she used to have to be to avoid her older brother.

There were two emails printed on one side of the paper. One was from Evan to Connor and the other was from Connor to Evan. Zoe looked them over, even if they were fake, whoever faked them did a pretty good job. It looked real.

The first email was from Evan to Connor, it was dated to be only two or three weeks old.  
To: cfmurphy98@gmail.com  
From: 3vanhans3n@gmail.com  
Subject: Hi!  
Date: 07/28/16

Dear Connor Murphy,  
Hey, we haven't talked all summer and I thought I’d just say hi. So, hi. 

This is stupid isn't it. I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say because I never do. 

Oh, I know. Why haven't you been answering my other emails? I've been trying to get through to you all summer since you sent me the last one you wrote. Hopefully you actually read this because I need to have a serious talk with you. 

Stop doing whatever you've been doing and just take a deep breath. Maybe go on a walk, I don't know. Gosh, that's even more stupid.

I'm just going to stop when I'm ahead. Hopefully I see you soon.  
Sincerely,  
Me 

Sincerely, me. That was awfully vague. But if Connor was the only person he emailed on this account and Evan was the only person Connor emailed then it would make sense. 

The second email was dated five days after the first.

To: 3vanhans3n@gmail.com  
From:cfmurphy98@gmail.com  
Subject: Quit emailing me!  
Date: 08/02/16

Dear Evan Hansen,  
I am well aware that you have been emailing me nonstop all summer. Please stop. This summer hasn't been so great. I'll tell you about it when I see you.  
Sincerely,  
Me

“So, Zoe. Did you read it?” Cynthia had been aching to ask that all day.

“Yeah,” Zoe took a sip of her water, “And it’s really stupid.”

“Zoe!”

“Okay, whatever,” She mumbled, “I still don't think it's real. It didn't seem like something Connor would write.”

Larry had excused himself a couple of minutes ago to do some work so it was just Cynthia and Zoe. There was a moment of silence before Cynthia exploded.

“How can you say that? You didn't know him? You don't know what he would or wouldn't do,” Cynthia rarely raised her voice at her kids. Her husband was the one who usually did that.

“Well guess what, Mom? You didn't know him either! You wouldn't know either!” Zoe countered. “You know what, fine. I'll just play a game of pretend. I'll pretend that he was a great son and wonderful friend. And all the tears will just begin to pour. Would you like that?”

“Zoe, that's not what I meant. I don't want you to remember him as someone he wasn't,” She tried to correct what she had said.

“Is that so? It really seems like you actually want me to convince myself that he was actually a great person who wasn't a deranged psychopath.” At this point she didn't know if she should scream or cry. In the end the first won out. “Why don't I just go cry in my room for a day in a half while I'm at it.”

“Zoe, quit it,” Cynthia was close to tears too. “There's no reason for you to be saying these things.”

“Exactly my point,” Zoe sat up from the table and pushed in her chair. “You need to know that I'm going to remember him as the person he was. And he wasn't a good person. If you can think of one reason he was tell me.” Only silence followed, “That's what I thought.”

She stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom. Zoe didn't know why she was suddenly crying. There was no way she was going to play some sort of grieving girl and lie about her feelings. She wouldn't say anything like a light in her life has disappeared without him. 

Despite her tears, she would sing no requiem that night.

“Cynthia! Where are you?” Larry called from somewhere down the hall.

“Upstairs!” 

“Where upstairs?” 

“Connor’s room.”

The door to his old room swung open and Larry rushed in.

“What the hell are you doing in his room?” He questioned.

“I'm just thinking,” She wanted to be left alone but he wasn't the greatest at taking hints.

“About what?” 

She held out a slightly wrinkled paper, “Have you read this yet?”

“No,” He slowly took it out of her hand, “What is it?”

“Emails, between Connor and Evan.”

Without even giving it a second look he ripped the paper in half, crumpled it, and threw it on the ground. Cynthia gasped.

“What the heck is wrong with you?”

“I'm not going to read it,” Well he couldn't anymore if he wanted to because it was ripped now.

“Why not? You're just like Zoe,” Then she remembered that her daughter actually read the emails, “Except she read them. Why won't you read it.”

“Cynthia, I gave him the world and he threw it away. Leaving us in broken pieces. Everything I did for him has been wasted so I have nothing to say about him that's good and one email won't change it,” Larry stormed out of the room, leaving one thing unsaid. That he would sing no requiem, that night.

She reread the emails for the hundredth time. Somehow by reading the emails she had finally found him. Even though he was gone she could hear his voice again and feel that he was near. Now that she knew that he wasn't gone completely she would sing no requiem that night.

“Don't you think your being a little over dramatic,” As soon as Wednesday finished talking her phone fell down from where she had propped it up. “What the heck was that? It's all dark now.”

“Sorry,” Zoe picked it up and propped it up on her desk again. “I'm not being dramatic, Connor was an absolute jerk to me and everyone else. Why should I feel anything?”

“Because he was your brother. Sure my older brother has done things that made me hate him but if he died I would be at least a little sad.” Wednesday was making her regret Facetiming her in the first place.

“But your brother didn't try to break down your door everyday,” Zoe countered.

“You sure about that?” Knowing Wednesday’s brother it made sense that he would do that, “Listen, I know you don't feel anything right now but you might later.”

“I doubt it,” She mumbled, leaning back in her desk chair.

“Even if you don't, at least pretend that you miss him for your parents,” Instructed Wednesday.

“I could, but why should I? Why should I have a heavy heart? My dad sure doesn't so why should I? Why should I say that I'll keep him with me when my mom already is. There's no point in me falling apart for him,” Zoe argued. “I'm not going to play a grieving girl and lie, saying that I miss him. His death has not made the world a little darker for me, in fact it's gotten brighter.”

“Don't you think you're being a little harsh?”

“What is wrong with everybody?” Zoe finally reached her breaking point and was letting it all out in a very loud way. “In the past no one has ever mourned someone who was most definitely a villain. No one has litten a candle to remember them or started weeping for them. Nobody can tell me I'm not right because they all know I am. He put me through so much and no one can tell me he wasn't a monster because that's the Connor that I knew.”

“I can see that anything I say will have no effect on you,” Wednesday sensed, “I'll see you at school tomorrow, bye.”

A small noise came from her phone as her best friend hung up.

Zoe moved to her bed and flopped down on her back. For some reason she began to feel something she hadn't for the past week. She felt sad. Still, she would make sure nobody knew how sad she really was.


End file.
